Monday, January 25, 2010

Bitten! by Charlie and Josh

I was watching a laser beam science fair. I was adjusting my glasses when suddenly a crystal red spider jumped on me! I didn't know if it would bite me...

The spider dug his furious fangs into me OW! Then I saw the big long hairy legs it crawled and looked at me with his glassy eyes, was he laughing at me? I spotted a yellow glow coming out my hand. What will it do?!

My head started to ache my hand started to sweat, my fingers pumped as though they were going to burst.

My heart missed a beat, my chest became tight, I had to get home! I had to get home and fast...The room was wobbling my vision became more and more blurred. All I could think of was getting home.

4 comments:

  1. We really enjoyed how you put the ow in capitals! But maybe you should extend it a little?

    Faith and Maisie

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  2. I love the following sentence,"I spotted a yellow glow coming out my hand." - how scary that must be after you have been bitten to see strange lights coming from your hand! It made me scared - keep writing!

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  3. Hi, Josh! I am from the University of South Alabama, Dr. Strange's class, in Mobile, AL. I really enjoyed your story. You definitely used some great adjectives in your story and kept me in suspense the whole time! I do hope you decide to make it a little longer though so I can find out what happened, but I guess great writers do like cliff hangers! :)

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  4. Charlie, this sounds like what happen to Peter Parker when he turned into Spiderman! He is one of my favorite superheroes. Great writing! Good use of adjectives. Keep up the good work.

    P.S. My name is Tracy and I go to college in Alabama. My teacher is teaching us about blogs, that is how I found yours. Glad I did, it's fun to see your assignments. Have a great rest of the school year!
    My blog is traylor.tra1@blogspot.com

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