I was in a world of my own, watching the intriguing science presentation, if I'd have known what was going to happen next, I would of been out of the room in no time!
None of my friends had come with me, not like I had any anyway! This is probably why I don't have any, what I mean is, what sort of cool person would be stood here watching a so called "geek show"?Well that doesn't bother me! The only thing I care about is getting my head down and getting on with my work,and about my family!
When I looked down from adjusting my glasses, I saw a crimson, red SPIDER! It shook me so much that I tried to run out of the room! I didn't have the time to shake it off, but for some reason it wanted me to stop moving so it could do something to me, if I had known I would of pushed it away from me, but now I was too shocked by the fact it was actually red!
I felt a sharp pain, stab into my skin! I checked the filthy creature, to see if it was still scuttling around on my hand! But now it wasn't just doing that,it had stuck it's venom filled fang's into my bony, clenched fist! Then, I felt a tingling sensation rushing through my veins! I simply could not concentrate with all of this commotion! I wish all of this had never happened!
The pain was the only thing I could think about, it was completely unbearable! I thought it was better when it had it's fang's in me! But when it had pulled them out, it hurt even more! If only Aunt May and Uncle Ben were here, they would be caring for me! While I was in pain all I could think about is why it was glowing red and why did it choose me to bite?! All I could do was to try and stop the poison from getting into my blood stream.
I had to get home! But I didn't know what Uncle Ben and Aunt May would say, all of a sudden the blood rush had reached my head, I felt like I needed to lie down, but I would look very, very silly! when I had turned around I saw two men were giving me dirty looks, I felt like going home...home...yes...If only I was there now...
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Ilove how you have done the openers so well!
ReplyDeleteFrom Lauryn And Ashleigh!!
Very good i love it! You have used a lot of really good vocabualy like sharp and glowing ! The 3rd paragreagh is my favourite;)
ReplyDeleteKeep it uppp!!!
From your mate shannon ;)
Fantastic work girls! I loved it! Here is a list
ReplyDeleteWhat I loved about it:
.brilliant vocab
.excellent puncution
.Fantastic connectives
go girls!!! from your friend kate :-)
I thought that it was fantastic! My eyes just wanted to fly down the page.Here are few tips:
. Try to use more affective openers
.Use the big write cards to help you with ideas
.Use some more connectives
From Your Friend Laura :')
I like the way you describe his feelings about being at the science show - it makes it seem real.
ReplyDeleteI like how you discribed the spider. (From Mason)
ReplyDeleteThese stories are so exciting, I hope we get to hear what happens at some point.
ReplyDeleteYou had me very convinced you were in pain when the spider bit you, very descriptive!
Maisie and Faiths work!
ReplyDeleteI love the words tingling sensation I just love them wow words and I think it goes with the sentence!
From Ellie
Wow, what an excellent story Maisie and Faith. I really want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the powerful verbs and adjectives you used - they helped to create a clear image in my mind. Keep up the hard work.
Chris Thomas
www.ashckschool.org
I loved the way you introduced Peter's character in the lines,"None of my friends had come with me, not like I had any anyway! This is probably why I don't have any, what I mean is, what sort of cool person would be stood here watching a so called "geek show"?Well that doesn't bother me! " If we believe in a character as a reader then we are far more involved when something happens to them - lovely writing!
ReplyDeleteI love your story its got description in it and everything i am so excited to read what happens next.
ReplyDeleteDionnes mum Gemma. xxx
I am a student in Dr. Strange's EDM310 class at the university of South Alabama. I was assigned to read your blog for my class. I am extremely impressed with your use of the computer and your writing ability. I was captivated by your blog and use of descriptive words. I think it is important for kids to start learning about technology such as blogs at this age because it helps familiarize them with computers and improves their writing. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story through each sentence you said something to keep us informed of what was happening to you.
ReplyDelete