I was relaxing listening to the presentation the lady was demonstrating the radio active laser it was very interesting. I went to adjust my glasses and suddenly...
I felt a tickle on my hand I looked down and it was a ruby red SPIDER! It was really big. I jumped back .It looked like it was going to bite me! I just wanted it to get off of me I kept jumping around but it wouldn't come off. It moved one of its hairy legs I felt a shiver down my spine...
The ruby red spider bit me with its large fangs.They dug right in my skin. It left me with a big red, yellow, purple mark. I kept my hand placed on where the ruby red spider had bitten me. Blood started to rush down my hand. I wanted to hit the spider but my hand was hurting too much. My hand was going numb, I hope I never see that spider again!
It was killing me, it was stinging like mad. Ever since that ruby red spider had bitten me my hand has been throbbing like there is no tomorrow. I could see my blood on the floor. It was a terrible feeling I just want it to go away!
My heart was thumping and my hand was thumping! I had to get home I felt like I was going to faint and couldn't breath. I WANT TO GO HOME NOW! Everybody was looking at me like I was a freak!
Posts
This is great writing! I like the way that you have used some interesting vocabulary. I really liked the link between the heart thumping and the hand thumping in the last paragraph. I wasn't sure of the object of the sentence 'it was killing me..' the spider or the bite?
ReplyDeleteJo Badge: University of Leicester.
Shannon & Sharna, I love the imagery of the spider and I felt a shiver go down my spine as you described the spider's leg moving - I can't wait to read what happens next...
ReplyDeleteMr Speller (Teacher/Consultant)
Lucy Jayes - Primary ICT Advisor - Walsall
ReplyDeleteHow exciting, you have really grabbed my interest and drawn me in , now I just want to read on, what a great start to a story
Hi great story, I think that the vocab was great,
ReplyDeleteI thought the 3rd paragraph was the best one
but the others were great as well.
from your friend kate:)
Hi! that story was great I like your vocab and punctuation. I also liked the 4th paragraph.I liked how you explained what the spider looked like it looked pretty scary to me.
From Your Friend Laura;)
Love your work especialy the description about the spider
ReplyDeleteFrom Lauryn and Ashleigh
We really enjoyed the begining!
ReplyDeleteYou described the setting really well and the vocab was great!
From Maisie-May And Faith west.
I loved this sentence - "My heart was thumping and my hand was thumping!" Linking the two not only describes the fear and the pain but links them together!
ReplyDeleteShannon you are a really good writer
ReplyDeleteand when you are older I think you could write
a book of your own.
love from your freind Kiara xxx
Hi! My name is Amy and I am a student at the University of South Alabama in Mobile, AL USA. I really liked your story and I think if you keep it up you could be a really good writer one day! I think my favorite paragraph was the third one because you used very descriptive words that made me really be able to picture what you were saying. Good job and keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more!! If you would like to read my blog you can find it here
ReplyDeletehttp://storkamyedm310.blogspot.com/
Amy Stork