Monday, January 25, 2010

Bitten! by Dionne and Callum

I was just relaxing at the new science fair at the local high school It was very interesting. The lady was talking about a nuclear radioactive electric laser beam it was ruby red when suddenly...

Out of nowhere a crimson red spider jumped onto my clenched fist... the radioactive spider moved one of its horrid, red and hairy legs. Was it going to bite with its shark like teeth?
OUCH! the poisounous spider had bitten me... my blood was trickling out of my hand! It was turning black, the poison was turning my BLOOD BLACK!

I began to get a headache, my fingers were aching and my blood was rushing through my veins. I felt like I needed to get home... get... I was losing strength, my heart was slowing down. Help. Please.


  1. Hi Callum and Dionne. I really should be doing some work in my office but I would rather read your writing instead! Your blog is one of my favourites. I really like the way you have used a quesion to end the first paragraph and your use of capital letters really adds to the dramatic effect - fantastic!
    My job involves reading lots of writing by professional authors and you are using all the techniques that they use. I actually think your writing is as good as some of theirs! Maybe you could be professional writers too one day?

  2. Hi - I like the way you have used pauses in the sentence where he tries to get home to show the effect of the venom. Keep writing!

  3. Hi this is Dionne the one who written this thank you for all of the wonderful comments I really thank you because your comments have made my day.

    yours sincerley

    Dionne T.

  4. Wow Callum and Dionne!


    It's like you are starring in a horror movie!

    Great work!

    Maisie-May :-)

  5. Wow i like how you used a lot of wow words like "BLOOD BLACK!"

    Great Job

    From Faith West

  6. I like how you have put my fingers was iching i think it is really good. The 3 paragragh was the best!

    From Kiara & Shannon xxx

  7. Great post! Very interesting writing with lots of descriptive words. Good job! Keep up the good work.