Monday, January 25, 2010

Bitten! by Curtis and Liam

The convention was amazing. I was looking at the radioactive beam it was ruby red and it dazzled in the darkness. I was amazed with the dazzling lights.The laser exhibit was the best I'd ever seen. The scientists must have been professionals.

I was adjusting my spectacles when suddenly a red crimson arachnid dived on my clenched fist. It was looking up at me with its beady eyes. Its hairy legs started to move on my hand, it sent shivers up my spine. Is it going to bite?

The red crimson spider sank its terribly sharp fangs into me.The radioactive poison was entering my blood stream.The bite was taking control of my body...I tried to stop the pain but it was no use, the poison was too strong for me!
My fingers began to ache and throb and I could feel the venom coursing through my veins. It was so painful I felt like throwing my self around the room. I started to shiver with fear and had what seemed like an electric shock!
The room started to spin and my vision became blurred. I started to panic my words got muddled, it was weird. My head felt drowsy.I... need... to.. get... home. I feel strange.


  1. Great start to a story. I like your use of descriptive words. Also using "spectacles" instead of glasses is a nice touch. Keep up the good work.

    Jim Wenzloff
    Fort Gratiot, MI

  2. I love the phrase, "The bite was taking control of my body..." really describes how powerless Peter was after the bite. Lovely!

  3. It was really scary. I could feel the hairy legs as I read it. Thank you.

  4. Hello Curtis, My Name is Brooke McQuillan. I am from the United States. I would first like to say congratulations on being in room 7 now. I loved your story. It was a little scary. I look forward to reading more of your short stories!

  5. Hello Liam, My name is Brooke and I am leaving you a comment as an assignment for my class. This is a very vivid and detailed story! It was little scary yet exciting. I enjoyed it very much. Great job. Keep up the good work.

  6. I loved your uses of descriptive word. I could almost feel your pain. Keep up the excellent writing.