Monday, January 25, 2010

Bitten! by Lauryn and Ashleigh

It was the end of school and I wanted to go to the science fair, and before I went in I had the funny feeling it was going to be really good. I was enjoying the presentation, the woman was just about to explain about the radioactive beam, and when I was about to adjust my glasses, suddenly...

I felt a slight tingling sensation on my hand. I thought it would just pass, I went down to scratch it and it felt really hairy. Then I looked down at it, there was a huge glowing, crimson red, spider. I jumped out of my skin, my heart was racing and pounding with fear and fright! I didn't know what was going to happen I was too scared to move! Was this horrible, hairy, crimson-red arachnid going to bite?

After a while the hairy crimson red spider dug it's fangs into my hand injecting radioactive poison! What was going to happen to me?! Then my hand began to sting, I didn't know how long it would last for. Then the crimson red spider stared up at me with it's beady eyes and ran off. Why did it choose to bite me? It could of bitten someone else!

Then my hand just wouldn't stop stinging! I felt a terrible pain rushing through my whole body! It felt like my body was being switched off! It really hurt, I wanted to get home so badly I would do anything just to be home! I didn't know what came over me! This was the worst day ever!

As the pain began to grow, my whole body began to shiver and shake I didn't know what was going on! It felt like the world was turning round and round! It was horrible. The view was swimming and wobbling like mad! Everyone was looking at me with a funny look on their faces. I didn't know what was going to happen to me...! I need to... get home...get...help!! I couldn't walk. I kept on stumbling! When would I get back to normal?!

6 comments:

  1. We like the start were you tell us the story, But some of your paragraph's are to long.
    From Faith and Maisie.

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  2. I love your work especialy when you said a tingling sensation.

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  3. I like your writing, especially the sentence, "Then my hand began to sting, I didn't know how long it would last for." This is a great detail, when something unexpected and horrible happens people are frightened about how long it will continue for. Good writing!

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  4. I like how used huge,glowing crimson red, spider and i like when it dug it fangs.Well done Lauryn and Ashleigh great work.

    From Ushanthi.

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  5. Great Job! I loved the attention to detail! It really made me feel like I was there. This is a great descriptive portion of a story and I am curious to see what happens next!

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  6. Your writing was really great. Your descriptions throughout the entire story was very good. As I read it to myself I could almost feel as if it were happening to me! Great Job!

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