Monday, January 25, 2010

Bitten! by Ben and Kai

Peter Parker was so interested in the science he didn't realise that above him was dangling a ruby red spider.

All of a SUDDEN the spider landed on his hand. He was so terrified he couldn't breathe at all. He had shock in his eyes. He was sweating like mad. Was it going to bit him?

Ruby red fangs bit into his knuckle. He knocked it off his hand. He was wobbling around the hall. His head began to sweat. He could see flashes like lightening all around him, after that he had a massive headache.

He began to feel sick and needed to hurry home, but he was too dizzy. Peter's jelly legs stumbled and fell, could he make it home...

11 comments:

  1. Wow ! I am so impressed by all your writing Priestsic5, the discriptive language you have all used is brilliant.I am so glad I did not go to that exhibition, I don't like spiders!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great piece of writing. I love the cliffhanger at the end!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I so enjoyed reading all of your spider stories during my lunch break today! I can tell that students in your class work hard to choose just the right words for descriptions. (I'm picturing those "ruby-red fangs" sinking into someone's hand - yikes!) Very nicely done - thanks for sharing your work!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like your sentence, "Ruby red fangs bit into his knuckle." I like the idea that the fangs themselves were attacking!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have enjoyed reading all your fantastic stories! I am going to show them to my class tomorrow. We have just started our class blog, we'd love you to have a look!

    Miss Law :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wow I'm going to have to keep an eye out for that horrible ruby red spider, it sounds deadly! Excellent use of descriptive words I can really visualise the spider in my mind. Well done from Mrs Rolfe :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I loved how you dived straight into the story!

    "Peter Parker was so interested in the science he didn't realise that above him was dangling a ruby red spider."

    Great work guys!

    Maisie-May

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like how you worked hard using great vocab

    "Peter's jelly legs stumbled and fell"
    Well done
    From Faith West

    ReplyDelete
  9. I really like how you put all of a sudden in capitals letters i think you and ben have very hard i like all of your story about Peter Parker from katie by for now

    ReplyDelete
  10. I like the bit where you said ruby red it was nice to discrab the spider by Holly k

    ReplyDelete
  11. I enjoyed reading your story. I loved all of the words you used,You did a wonderful job!!

    ReplyDelete